my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
