"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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