I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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