I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
