he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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