I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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