Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
