just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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