Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
