I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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