so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
