I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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