How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
