my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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