I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
