last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i already hear my dad disowning me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
