I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
