he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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