hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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