I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
