white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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