Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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