his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
