i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
