happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
