Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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