Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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