I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
