Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to make out with him forever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
