On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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