We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
