1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bring money and cleavage
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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