Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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