Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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