i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
