Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
