Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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