Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
