Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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