your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
