Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
