dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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