I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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