Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
