Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize