I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
