just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
