i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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