lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
