You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I didn't notice because vodka
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
