Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
