Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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