FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
