Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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