After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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