I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
