i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well, you know. whores of a feather.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
