Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
