Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
