On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
