I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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