Tell her she can't have a vagina
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
