My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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