he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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