ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
