I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
