Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
