i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
