if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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