I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
