i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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