If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
