i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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