Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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